Why does one's success push away others?

[emoKid]

Bleh...

I've been feeling down... I've been trying to ask for advice, and so far all of it has been "ignore them" or "just keep doing your best."

 

The other day, we took a test. I missed the "gimmie" question, dwelled on it, and when people asked, "How do you think you did?" I said "Bad." So we get the test back, and I did really good. Only 5 of the 6 problems counted on the grade, so the one question I missed didn't count. So some of my friends got frustrated at me. The teacher personally congratulated me in front of everyone and yeah... There were some other events before this...

 

So now it seems like my friends are avoiding me. I'm not too sure what to do. I wasn't sure what to say, so I said "Sorry for lying" and tried leaving it at that. The last time I spoke the them, they were discussing how they were frustrated with their grades and everything. I tried to encourage them saying, "Keep trying your best; if you need any help, just ask." I think it made it worse...

 

I've lost friends in the past do to similar issues... Some have changed majors, and other's just ignore me completely...

 

But yeah... I don't know what to do.

 

Thanks for reading and any advice.

[Steve E]

...

I've lost friends in the past do to similar issues... Some have changed majors, and other's just ignore me completely...

But yeah... I don't know what to do.

Thanks for reading and any advice.

...

Well, you're certainly living up to your screen name, emoKid. But I think you can take some solace in the argument that it is far more likely that your "friends" switched majors because they couldn't hack it (what is your major anyway?) and not just to get away from you. As for the rest: jealous much?

 

So, a few years from now, while you're building your evil weather machine in your hollowed-out volcano lair they'll be living their burger-flipping majors wondering why the weather has been so weird lately. In other words, to use the old saw, they were never really your friends to begin with. They were just acquaintances. Those are easy to come by.

 

Hang in there.

-Thoth

[codemer]

But yeah... I don't know what to do.

 

You're lucky to be getting a taste of the real world while you're still in a semi-protected environment. There are several things to consider.

 

First, introspection. Could you have come off a bit cocky to your friends? People are cowards when it comes to telling someone that they're being an ass, so you could have offended them without even realizing it.

 

Did you screw up the curve for the class? If so, I hated people like you in college.

 

Are they just sore sports? Do they shun you every time you beat them at scrabble, too?

 

Good luck,

IF

[emoKid]

Well, you're certainly living up to your screen name, emoKid. But I think you can take some solace in the argument that it is far more likely that your "friends" switched majors because they couldn't hack it (what is your major anyway?) and not just to get away from you. As for the rest: jealous much?

 

I usually don't live up to the screen name... The reason it was picked was because it's usually the opposite of my personality.

 

My major is Computer Science. It was mostly because they couldn't hack it, but the breaking point was when a teacher was lecturing him about how his friend was doing so much better than he was. After he switched, he cut off contact (so I guess he blamed me and I accepted the blame).

 

I actually got an apology today (not for the person above, but from someone in my class), not sure if you could call it that though. It was along the lines of "sorry for getting mad about you grade, but you don't have to exceed at everything you do." But I accepted it, but they don't want me to be a part of their study group anymore .

 

First, introspection. Could you have come off a bit cocky to your friends? People are cowards when it comes to telling someone that they're being an ass, so you could have offended them without even realizing it.

 

Did you screw up the curve for the class? If so, I hated people like you in college.

 

Are they just sore sports? Do they shun you every time you beat them at scrabble, too?

 

I'm pretty sure I offended them, but it was unintentional. I dwell on things I know I did wrong. So I told everyone I missed a problem on the test, which I did, but the teacher doesn't count all the problems, and that one wasn't counted.

 

The curve was not screwed up. The teacher doesn't curve, but the average grade was a 60. I do have a habit of breaking curves though, but if I know before hand, and it's a hard class, I'll miss a few problems.

 

They're only sore sports if one person keep winning? If I do good, then "That was expected," but if one of my other friends do good, we go out for ice cream or hang out and order a lot of food. The last time we played scrabble, we didn't have a dictionary, so a lot of my words were voted against.

 

---

 

I think it got a bit better today though. They talked to me, but they don't want me to help them study... I guess I can understand. My brother and sister said, "People like to struggle together," and that it's probably annoying them that I understand it and they're having problems. My mom said that they aren't really my friends if that's what breaks the friendship...

 

But yeah, we were able to talk for a little bit. But some stupid bystander brought up grades, and then the conversation ended. I guess it's better than being completely shunned. I'm thinking things will be fine after the semester ends. I'm thinking they've reached their limits and and yeah...

[Steve E]

I usually don't live up to the screen name... The reason it was picked was because it's usually the opposite of my personality.

So your screen name and online personality are the opposite of your public persona. ... Then I'm unsure how to respond, in any meaningful way, to your post.

 

My major is Computer Science.

My Masters was Comp. Sci., way back when. I even taught it for a while. I imagine it has changed a bit from the days when we had to convert sets of Boolean equations into circuits and program the Intel 8080 chip and the S/360 computer. (Oh, those heady days of Big Iron.)

 

... the breaking point was when a teacher was lecturing him about how his friend was doing so much better than he was. After he switched, he cut off contact (so I guess he blamed me and I accepted the blame).

Why did you accept the blame? Your teacher sounds like an asshat. That's no way to motivate.

 

I actually got an apology today...

Pinch of salt, my friend. Pinch of salt.

 

Just remember that line from Desiderata,

"As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons [even asshats]."

-Thoth.

[emoKid]

Why did you accept the blame? Your teacher sounds like an asshat. That's no way to motivate.

I was asked to tutor him, which I did, but it didn't help that much (his grade went up 30%, but it was still an F...).

 

The teacher is a good teacher, but he's not a good motivator.

 

So your screen name and online personality are the opposite of your public persona. ... Then I'm unsure how to respond, in any meaningful way, to your post.

They're opposite now, they weren't that opposite a few years ago... My writing is still (apparently) depressing/emo. That's one of the reasons I chose emoKid. Someone asked me what my favorite quote was, and I said, "If one isn't fully appreciated till death, then why do I keep on living?" Then I was told I was an emoKid, and I decided to use it as a screen name.

 

My online personality isn't too different from my "public persona." I guess my posts on the Storyist forums don't reflect that though...

 

My Masters was Comp. Sci., way back when. I even taught it for a while. I imagine it has changed a bit from the days when we had to convert sets of Boolean equations into circuits and program the Intel 8080 chip and the S/360 computer. (Oh, those heady days of Big Iron.)

One of the freshman courses if to convert boolean equations into circuits. The circuits are "virtually" built on a computer program. Now it's mainly learn the basics in Java, learn the different ways of programming in C++, Lisp, Haskell, and others. Then take electives related to the type of work you want to do in the future. But yeah... Even though I'm in Comp Sci, I'm hoping to become a writer (a poet?). Computer Science is my fall-back

[Steve E]

"If one isn't fully appreciated till death, then why do I keep on living?" Good one.

-Thoth.

[marguerite]

My major is Computer Science. It was mostly because they couldn't hack it, but the breaking point was when a teacher was lecturing him about how his friend was doing so much better than he was. After he switched, he cut off contact (so I guess he blamed me and I accepted the blame).

 

I actually got an apology today (not for the person above, but from someone in my class), not sure if you could call it that though. It was along the lines of "sorry for getting mad about you grade, but you don't have to exceed at everything you do." But I accepted it, but they don't want me to be a part of their study group anymore .

 

I'm pretty sure I offended them, but it was unintentional. I dwell on things I know I did wrong. So I told everyone I missed a problem on the test, which I did, but the teacher doesn't count all the problems, and that one wasn't counted.

 

The curve was not screwed up. The teacher doesn't curve, but the average grade was a 60. I do have a habit of breaking curves though, but if I know before hand, and it's a hard class, I'll miss a few problems.

 

I think it got a bit better today though. They talked to me, but they don't want me to help them study... I guess I can understand. My brother and sister said, "People like to struggle together," and that it's probably annoying them that I understand it and they're having problems. My mom said that they aren't really my friends if that's what breaks the friendship...

OK, so the basis of this friendship is that you have to hold back and get poorer grades than you deserve and accept the blame for anything that goes wrong? And this is good for you how?

 

If you rub your friends' noses in the fact that you do better than they do, they are entitled to feel that they don't want to hang around you. That was, I think, the thought behind Isaac's questions, and I agree, it's always worth asking whether the problem really lies with one's friends or with oneself, especially if the same issue crops up repeatedly.

 

But if you're just walking around getting good grades because that's what you do, and the teacher is stirring people up with invidious comparisons, then I'm with your mom. What kind of friend insists that you get an F just to hang with the group?

 

It's still your problem, not theirs, in the sense that the solution is to figure out why you keep picking friends who put you in this bind. You can't change them, only yourself. But you do have the right to say (to yourself, and to them if you can do it without also telling them how they ought to live their lives) that you don't like what's happening.

 

Thoth, how did you sneak past 1,500 posts without anyone noticing?

Best,

Marguerite

[Steve E]

Thoth, how did you sneak past 1,500 posts without anyone noticing?

Ahz a sneaky critter, M. But are you implying that I should have held back to make the rest of you sorry souls look better? What sort of friend would that make you? (Are you listening, emoKid?)

 

But then, how is it you didn't notice until now?

 

(EAOs loose their awesome powers of perception when they suffer from an overmuffin deficiency. Overmuffins: chockfull of vitamin M. Buy, steal, bake or excrete some today!)

-Thoth

[marguerite]

Ahz a sneaky critter, M. But are you implying that I should have held back to make the rest of you sorry souls look better? What sort of friend would that make you? (Are you listening, emoKid?)

 

But then, how is it you didn't notice until now?

 

(EAOs loose their awesome powers of perception when they suffer from an overmuffin deficiency. Overmuffins: chockfull of vitamin M. Buy, steal, bake or excrete some today!)

-Thoth

Heaven forfend! Post all you want, and challenge the rest of us to keep up!

 

I noticed around #1514, but with your frenzied posting rate only managed to get my 2¢ in now.

 

Need overmuffins ... getting weaker, weaker ... Help!

M

[Steve E]

Heaven forfend! Post all you want, and challenge the rest of us to keep up!

I noticed around #1514, but with your frenzied posting rate only managed to get my 2¢ in now.

Need overmuffins ... getting weaker, weaker ... Help!

I can be frenzied at times. I apologize. The Heavens need not bother themselves forfending against ol'Thoth.

 

Overmuffins are on their way to you by FedEx teleporter. (I hope a fly doesn't find its way into the Send chamber. Last time that happened swarms of flying overmuffins overran Pelham Bay Park for days. I still have nightmares.)

-Thoth.

[marguerite]

I can be frenzied at times. I apologize. The Heavens need not bother themselves forfending against ol'Thoth.

 

Overmuffins are on their way to you by FedEx teleporter. (I hope a fly doesn't find its way into the Send chamber. Last time that happened swarms of flying overmuffins overran Pelham Bay Park for days. I still have nightmares.)

-Thoth.

The heavens were supposed to be forfending against those who would demand that you decrease your posting rate so that they would not feel bad. I was attempting to support your message to EmoKid by showing that true friends are not put off by success. Sorry if I was unclear. Blame the currently-being-rectified lack of vitamin M.

 

As for the frenzied rate, post away! It keeps the forums lively. So sad to check in here and find nothing to read. Sometimes I have to go back and, gasp, work for lack of procrastination options.

 

Fortunately, my cats love flying overmuffins. Gives them some much needed exercise. Thanks so much for the rapid relief package.

Munching happily on freshly caught chocolate overmuffin,

M

[Steve E]

The heavens were supposed to be forfending against those who would demand that you decrease your posting rate so that they would not feel bad. I was attempting to support your message to EmoKid by showing that true friends are not put off by success. Sorry if I was unclear. Blame the currently-being-rectified lack of vitamin M.

I blame my speed-reading teacher. After re-reading I see that the fault was mine. You were crystal, as always.

 

As for the frenzied rate, post away! It keeps the forums lively. So sad to check in here and find nothing to read. Sometimes I have to go back and, gasp, work for lack of procrastination options.

You can blame what I laughingly call my "work process". Whenever I take a break I pop into the forum. I take a lot of breaks to save these tired old eyes so I'm inside the forum more than the average member (except for Google, whoever he is )

 

Fortunately, my cats love flying overmuffins. Gives them some much needed exercise. Thanks so much for the rapid relief package.

Munching happily on freshly caught chocolate overmuffin,

Wait...chocolate? Uh...never mind.

-Thoth.

[codemer]

Computer science. Explains everything. Bunch of people running around with Asperger's.

 

One of the freshman courses if to convert boolean equations into circuits. The circuits are "virtually" built on a computer program. Now it's mainly learn the basics in Java, learn the different ways of programming in C++, Lisp, Haskell, and others. Then take electives related to the type of work you want to do in the future. But yeah... Even though I'm in Comp Sci, I'm hoping to become a writer (a poet?). Computer Science is my fall-back

 

When choosing courses related to eventual career, take heed of these words of wisdom from the chair of my old CS department: "We are not here to teach you job skills. We are here to teach you computer science!" --Miller

 

In other words, find an internship as soon as possible.

 

IF

[codemer]

My Masters was Comp. Sci., way back when. I even taught it for a while. I imagine it has changed a bit from the days when we had to convert sets of Boolean equations into circuits and program the Intel 8080 chip and the S/360 computer. (Oh, those heady days of Big Iron.)

 

Wow. What was it like when they finally discovered the wheel?

 

IF

[codemer]

OK, so the basis of this friendship is that you have to hold back and get poorer grades than you deserve and accept the blame for anything that goes wrong? And this is good for you how?

 

In a twisted sort of way, this may work. I've never been asked what kinds of grades I got in college.

 

YMMV,

IF

[Steve E]

Computer science. Explains everything. Bunch of people running around with Asperger's.

Mmm. Ass Burgers! (What you make from leftover rump roast.)

 

Culinarily yours,

Thoth.

[Steve E]

Wow. What was it like when they finally discovered the wheel?

We didn't think much would come of it. The whole civilization thing seemed like such a dead end. But there was cake so we went with it.

-Thoth.

[Steve E]

In a twisted sort of way, this may work. I've never been asked what kinds of grades I got in college.

YMMV,

I'll bite. What kind of grades did you get in college? What was your major? Did you kiss a girl? Did you hear about Hugo and Kim? Did you...ohmygod, I've descended into show tunes! HELP ME!

 

My Mileage Never Varies,

-Thoth.

[codemer]

I'll bite. What kind of grades did you get in college?

 

Good ones. Did I mention that I helped write the transcript system?

 

What was your major?

 

Started out in EE, but found it too boring and switched to Computer Science.

 

Did you kiss a girl?

 

 

Did you hear about Hugo and Kim? Did you...ohmygod, I've descended into show tunes! HELP ME!

 

Okay, you've lost me.

 

My Mileage Never Varies,

 

36.9 MPG according to this morning's calculation.

 

YMWV,

IF

[Steve E]

Okay, you've lost me.

It's from the song The Telephone Hour (sort of), from the play Bye-Bye Birdie. I know. I know. I need help.

 

It was also a movie.

-Thoth.

[codemer]

It's from the song The Telephone Hour (sort of), from the play Bye-Bye Birdie. I know. I know. I need help.

 

It was also a movie.

-Thoth.

 

Ah, I should have known that since my girls go around singing it.

 

I knew there was something wrong with you even before you got me hooked on Girl Genius.

 

IF

[Steve E]

36.9 MPG according to this morning's calculation.

You are a man among men. Go kiss your engine for me.

-Thoth.

[Steve E]

Ah, I should have known that since my girls go around singing it.

Your daughters sing 60's show tunes? I'm in worse shape than I thought.

 

I knew there was something wrong with you even before you got me hooked on Girl Genius.

GG has a card game now called The Works (check out Amazon). The kids might enjoy playing it with you, until you crush them mercilessly beneath your hobnail boots.

-Thoth.

[emoKid]

They actually performed Bye-Bye-Birdie at my school the other week. It was decent. The sets were awesome, and there was humor, but the overall show was iffy.