Writings a subvocal conversation.

[thealtruismsociety]

Quotes or no?

 

I try to wrest control of my body subvocalizing, "Move, damn it E'oi move!"

 

Can't find info online.

[Steve E]

I try to wrest control of my body subvocalizing, "Move, damn it E'oi move!"

If the character is narrating, and it seems to be, then I would say, you have it right. Since you even bother to say that you are subvocalizing* I think you have it just right.

-T

 

* subvocalize: to utter with the lips silently or with barely audible sound, especially when talking to oneself, memorizing something, or reading. (In other words, it's treated like speech.)

[thealtruismsociety]

If the character is narrating, and it seems to be, then I would say, you have it right. Since you even bother to say that you are subvocalizing* I think you have it just right.

-T

 

* subvocalize: to utter with the lips silently or with barely audible sound, especially when talking to oneself, memorizing something, or reading. (In other words, it's treated like speech.)

 

Hmm but within a novel dialogue get's it's own line correct. The subvocalization is the only dialogue in the paragraph, but it's right in the middle. So maybe I'm asking should this particular dialogue get it's own line.

 

 

I'm too terrified to move, my body has gone stiff. I try to wrest back control of my body subvocalizing, "Move, damn it E'oi move!" I regain control of my fingers first, then my arms.

 

or

 

I'm too terrified to move, my body has gone stiff.

I try to wrest back control of my body subvocalizing, "Move, damn it E'oi move!"

I regain control of my fingers first, then my arms.

 

or even

 

I'm too terrified to move, my body has gone stiff. I try to wrest back control of my body with a subvocal command.

"Move, damn it E'oi move!"

I regain control of my fingers first, then my arms.

[orrenm]

You can always go for italics. I use italics for thoughts, emphasis within sentences...I don't see why you couldn't use it for subvocalizatioms if you wanted.

 

If you want to keep italics for other things, but keep your subvocalizatioms still separate from other text/quotes, you could use single quotes (which in general I use for quotes within quotes).

 

There's probably some Chicago Manual of Style suggestion for this but ive no idea what it is.

 

Orren

[thealtruismsociety]

You can always go for italics. I use italics for thoughts, emphasis within sentences...I don't see why you couldn't use it for subvocalizatioms if you wanted.

 

If you want to keep italics for other things, but keep your subvocalizatioms still separate from other text/quotes, you could use single quotes (which in general I use for quotes within quotes).

 

There's probably some Chicago Manual of Style suggestion for this but ive no idea what it is.

 

Orren

 

Thanks, I ordered that book. Perhaps I'll wait and see what it says.

[Steve E]

Thanks, I ordered that book. Perhaps I'll wait and see what it says.

Good for you!

Actually, Orren inspired me to look it up in the CMOS (15th edition). Under Unspoken Discourse (11.47 italics mine) it says:

Thought, imagined dialogue and other interior discourse may be enclosed in quotation marks or not, according to the context or the writer's preference.

Which is probably why you couldn't find a definitive answer online. It did, however, go on to give some examples at both extremes:

"I don't care if we have offended Morganstern," thought Vera. "Besides," she told herself, "they're all fools."

 

Why, we wondered, did we choose this route?

There was also a long quote from Ulysses used as an example of stream of consciousness and contained no quotes at all. But it's too long to reproduce here.

 

Hope that helps.

BTW: The CMOS is a good investment for any writer. I should probably update mine.

- T

[marguerite]

I agree with Thoth and Orren on the quotation marks/italics. In general, I would use quotation marks if I wanted to indicate the character was physically forming words, even if s/he produced no sound, and italics to indicate thought as it occurs in the present (I have to get out of here, now!). I would use neither quotation marks nor italics to record a character's thoughts in third person (He had to get out of here, now.) The present/past distinction assumes that the novel is in third person, which as I recall yours is not.

 

On the question of the separate line, I don't think you need to set off the dialogue so long as the action before and after it involve the same person, which they do in the example you give. It's my impression (although I could be wrong) that the convention of setting off each incidence of dialogue aims to separate speakers, and any associated bits of thought or action take place in the same paragraph unless you need to set them off for emphasis.

 

John said, "See Spot run." Brilliant, John. What was it about this woman that instantly returned him to the first grade?

Mary looked him over for a good minute before replying. He could feel his toes curl as she studied him from head to foot.

"Do you always start drinking before nine a.m.?" she asked.

He groaned. The day was going from bad to worse.

 

M